Currently, as the end of Summer approaches, many of us will be pulled in many more directions as our various duties and responsibilities return. Acupuncturists view this time of year and name it “Duo Yuo” - a time of change generally moving from one season to another. Greater amounts of opportunity are available during times of transition. It is important to clarify parts of life that add vital energy, and the aspects that deplete the best parts of our mind, spirit or body. Simply put, what adds to your bucket and what aspect of life drains from your bucket and, are they in balance?
Transitions are a great time to identify draining behavior, but more importantly, identifying and honoring your self nurturing spirit. First give yourself the time and permission to think about which parts of your life and the effect it has on you. When you come to realize what drains or fills your bucket, make a list categorizing those activities, duties and responsibilities. Then fold up your list and set it aside for a few days to a week. Discover if objectifying self-nurturing or self-depleting aspects change your opinion or cause you to change something about your daily life. Visit the list weekly for a month, notice the changes and edits you may bring to your list. The purpose is to shift frequencies and concentrations of what drain you less and restore you more.
If, after a couple of weeks, not much changes with your quest for self-nurturing behavior, if your list looks the same, and you feel the same, you’re stuck, welcome to humanity. The most abundant reason for this stagnation is stress. Our elevated stress has the ability to make any change feel overwhelming. Additionally, some see life and their reality to contain more sacrifice than sustainability. Nurturing others can coexist with self nurturing behavior and even exist in balance. Perhaps a start requires asking a friend or family member for casual advice or help. My example is I am like everyone, tired at the end of the day. This feeling was amplified by having to cook and clean-up after dinner. A very strong bucket drainer indeed! The emotions the chore generated drew me further away from asking for help and closer to irritability and frustration. I finally asked that these evening duties become family and team oriented, and it made a world of difference. Self-nurturing behavior needs help sometimes.
Your options are clear, but using the energy needed for the shift is not easy to find sometimes. It is work to shift from a self-defeating behavior to establish room to be more self-nurturing. Best to address the small actions or perceptions that seem to be getting in your way on a path to balance. An effective tool is to say no when asked to give of yourself. Do not decline every request, be kind when doing so, give a reason, but become more selective. Perhaps start with the things that may make you feel isolated, and agree to participate only when assistance is included. Saying no may surprise others who are not used to that answer from you, but It might relieve you from always being their go-to in these situations. Freeing your time up by saying no to self deficient aspects does create more time for what fills your bucket. My hope for you is with a full bucket, you do not need to make the other kind of bucket-list.